There are no rules on how you should propose, and whether it should be a secret or not. But usually, you want it to be a surprise, something to impress her with, and to make her heart beat faster with excitement. It’s fully valid and OK, just like other ways of proposing are valid, too.
Yet if you want to do it in an old-school way, getting on one knee and flipping the ring box open as a big romantic surprise, you need to get the ring also in secret.
And that’s where we get down to the business of finding out her finger ring size… You get it, also secretly.
Actually, it’s not that hard, especially if you recruit her relatives to help you. We’ve compiled a list of tried and tested ways to choose the ring size secretly and accurately, and one of them will definitely work for you. Let’s go!
The Top List of Tested Methods to Get a Ring Size Secretly

There are different degrees and ideas of secrecy, from doing everything yourself to involving other people. If you choose the latter, make sure to ask them to keep the secret, too.
You don’t want them to have a conversation with your loved one of the kind ‘Oh, he’s shopping for a ring and asked us to help, it’s so sweet! But we’re not supposed to tell you, so please don’t tell him we’ve spilled the tea!’
So, how do you approach the task of learning her ring size really discreetly? Or at least in the way that matches your idea of surprise?
Ask her directly in advance
It may sound weird, but if you do it far in advance, the surprise won’t be wasted. If you are together long enough and have strong feelings for each other, it’s reasonable to assume that somewhere along the way, the ring and the proposal will arrive. Asking directly is the safest way to know the correct size.
Yes, it’s not technically ‘a secret’, but if you secure enough time before proposing, she’ll forget about you asking.
Or frame it as a casual question, like ‘I’d like to give you a pretty little ring just because’, and ask for the size of her ring finger. You need to specify the finger because human fingers are different in size, and a middle finger will have a larger circumference than a ring finger or an index finger.
And don’t forget to follow up with a real dainty ring, not necessarily expensive, just a sweet gift because you care (and you do!)
`Phone-a-friend` option
It’s just what it sounds like: you recruit a friend to help you with finding out a ring size. Just ask this friend to run an operation as discreetly as possible. Like, drop into a jewelry store on the go and try on a few rings. The focus should be on rings that go on the ring finger.
When a friend performs this cute little trick, it works smoothly because shopping together in real life is fun. The key is for shoppers not to get lost in the process, and the friend should take note of the size and text it to you ASAP.
They can totally do the browsing online, with the same focus on finding out the exact size of your loved one’s ring finger.
Team up with a parent or a sibling

It's the same as recruiting a friend, but with a parent of your sweetheart (or a sibling). They get to shop for jewelry together, innocently learn the ring size, and report it to you. Easy. Just make sure the person you send into action won’t reveal your intentions, deliberately or by accident.
Shop rings ‘for someone else’
It’s the same again, but you two get into a jewelry store, and you pretend to look for a cute ring for someone else. Your mom or sister is the safest explanation, btw.
Look for a ring you like and ask your loved one to try it on to see how it will look on a finger. Make sure you ask her to try a ring on a ring finger, then on other fingers, to avoid being exposed in your sly plotting.
It’s good to remember that fingers are different, so it won’t surprise her that you ask her to try the ring on each finger the rings are typically worn on. Sizing aside, even a ring design may look different when placed on different fingers. You can mention it to sound persuasive.
Pop into a jewelry store ‘just because’
Do it casually and while you’re out running errands. Don’t make it a big deal because she’ll understand your intentions immediately. Not that it’s something bad, since you’re planning on proposing or giving her a promise ring soon, but if you want to keep it a secret, act accordingly.
You may say you want a ring or a bracelet for yourself and browse the collections casually. Suggest that she tries something on, preferably a ring. But if she’s totally against the idea, don't push for it. It will look suspicious, especially if you did not shop for clothing or jewelry together before. And dozing off on a bench while she shops does not count as shopping, mind that.
Try to measure the finger in their sleep
This tip is often offered first, but it depends on her sleeping habits. If she’s a great sleeper, you can try. If she’s a light sleeper, there’s a high chance she’ll wake up from your touch. So you’ll have some explanation to do.
If you are sure you can handle this, get a ring size kit, read how to use the adjustable belt on her finger, and go ahead. Just don’t forget to pull the closed belt off her finger to see if it goes smoothly over the knuckle. A ring may sit nicely at the base of her finger but be too small to slide over its wider parts.
Buy a nice, simple ring as a ‘tester’
This is one of the most feasible and workable methods. Find a pretty inexpensive ring and give it to her under some innocent pretext, like some sort of holiday or a celebration day. Shoot for the average woman's ring size and be ready to resize.
It’s totally normal, and she’ll appreciate the gift and the effort. But it’s crucial that you measure (or enquire for) and put down the final size of the ring after resizing. That's her real actual ring size.
Last but not least: use their regular ring to get their ring size
Experienced jewelers are divided over this tip because it’s essential to measure the ring that she wears on the ring finger, because other rings won’t fit on this finger properly. So if you are not fully confident that you measure the right ring, you’d better not do it at all.
We’d say the following: take notice of what ring she actually wears on the ring finger and try to measure exactly this ring. If she does not wear a ring on that finger even occasionally, this method is ruled out for you.
Tips on Ring Sizing

- Practice using the ring size kit before you actually venture to measure her finger. Using this belt accurately is a finicky task, so prepare carefully.
- Measure the right finger! Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but when you are nervous, you may do something silly without even noticing it. So measure the ring finger and the ring finger only!
- How to know if you’ve measured the right ring finger? It depends on where you live. In the USA, the ring finger of the left hand is what you need. In Europe, it depends. In countries like France, Germany, Italy, or the UK, you also put an engagement or wedding ring on the ring finger of the left hand. In Scandinavian countries, these rings go on the ring finger of the right hand. It depends on the traditions, cultural norms, and other factors, so check the traditions for a specific country in advance.
- When you choose a ring, consider whether you plan to have it resized. Not all rings are equally suitable for this procedure. Rings with minimalist design and/or one stone are more suitable for tweaking than rings with stone clusters or elaborate designs.
- We recommend that you get a ring half a size or a size up from the size you measured. Technically, it’s easier to reduce the ring or make it fit snugly with simple tricks than to increase the ring size. So when in doubt, go for a larger ring, not a smaller one.
- Here at YourAsteria, we offer resizing and ring customizing, so you may be sure that the ring you buy will fit eventually (even if you don’t get the size right at first). We offer various designs of handcrafted engagement rings and promise rings, so you’ll find something that will truly please her. Adjusting the size will be a minor service that you should not worry about.
Conclusion
As you see, with some planning and a bit of luck, you’ll get the size secretly and will be able to surprise her. And even if the ring won’t fit perfectly when you give it, you can always resize it. What matters is your desire to show her your love, your commitment, and that you care deeply. A ring testifies to your intentions undeniably. The rest is a matter of the jeweler’s skills and a little bit of time.
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